In this holy week, sacred to both Jews and Christians, I am doing my best not to focus on my fear of lack, but rather to be open to all opportunities and possibilities. In order to save money, simplify my life, and be more green, I'm considering giving up my car, donating it to my favorite npr radio station, and letting the weight of gas prices and insurance roll off my back for awhile. I happen to live in one of the only cities in So Cal that you can actually get around by bus, and all weekend and this week (so far) I've done just that. In fact, I can't now recall where the heck I parked my car because I haven't seen it since Thursday night and it's several blocks away. But I've lost where I left it before so unless it's been picked up for overdue parking tickets I'm sure I'll find it.
I am re-reading Deepok Chopra's "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire." I'm very fond of Chopra's easy elegance, and his ability to make quite complex subjects so much easier to understand. It is my hope with my writing that someday I might do the same, and maybe, just maybe, I do a little of that now. I'm finding it quite easy to read on the bus, and I have to say it's quite a nice experience. You cannot rush on the bus. You can get on an earlier bus or a later one, but you yourself aren't driving. You can't try and be clever and switch lanes to get there faster. You can't race the light. You aren't driving. And that is probably a very good metaphor for me right now as I tend to feel responsible for EVERYTHING. My trip to Target and Trader Joe's was quite pleasant because I didn't have to worry about my car being parked in the sun and not starting (odd dark honda problem of that model) unless I cool off the hood first with water, and I didn't have to double park when I got home, carry up the groceries and then park five blocks away and walk home.
So the fear of lack is still there, my pile of bills is still here, but I want to focus on the fact that it's a holy week of freedom and resurrection, of people being set free and of a jewish mystic overcoming a terrible death. I want to focus on the miracle and not the bearing of the cross.
On a miraculous note, I have just last week received back some of my writing that I thought would never be published. The person who bought it decided he would never have time to put it together with other writing the way he wanted to because of other obligations and has sent it all back to me. It is an amazing gift. Now I just need to figure out what to do about/with it!
